The Work Behind the Work

A pile.

Here’s something that might not show up in a tidy Instagram square or make it into a catchy blog title: one of the biggest projects I’ve been tackling for my 50 Before 50 journey is… decluttering – both physical and mental spaces.

That’s right. Not skydiving or hiking a new trail (yet). Just good, old-fashioned sorting, purging, and clearing out.

This week, I haven’t crossed a flashy goal off the list. But I’ve been doing the unglamorous, essential work of making space—physical space, mental space, emotional space—to actually be able to show up for this 50 before 50 project in meaningful ways.

If you know me, you know how I work. I move in a circle. I gather books and notes and papers into little orbits around whatever sermon, project, or idea I’m currently immersed in. It’s not messy so much as it is layered. Ok, its a little messy. Eventually, it catches up with me. The piles multiply. The corners clutter. And I know it’s time to make room again.

So this week’s 50 Before 50 work has looked like this:

• Purging outdated paperwork and old council reports.

• Releasing clothes that no longer fit who I am (literally or metaphorically). We even had a yard sale!

• Cleaning and organizing my home office so it can once again be a place of retreat and creativity.

• Tidying up email inboxes and writing those I  “I’ve been meaning to get back to you” notes.

• Prepping for my upcoming renewal leave with intention, which has meant planning, delegating, and making sure I can step away well.

And maybe the most surprising and emotional thing: we found my son’s missing schoolwork. For weeks it had been missing, and I was convinced my spouse had accidentally thrown it out. It had come home in an old Safeway bag—the kind of thing you might overlook, or toss without thinking. I turned the house upside down. I retraced every step. And not being able to find it? It ruined my birthday. I know I shouldn’t have let it—but folks, this was the tangible story of his final year in elementary school: an autobiography, poems, drawn pictures. Losing it felt like losing a chapter of his childhood, a piece of time I wasn’t ready to let go. This week, my son exclaimed - "Mommy youll never believe what I found!" Tucked away, safely, in his room, he found the bag that was once lost. I burst into tears. Relief, joy, gratitude. And a renewed sense of why this work of clearing space and tending to what matters most is so important.

These are not glamorous tasks, but they are holy ones. Because what I’m really doing is clearing space so I can live into the rest of the list with freedom and clarity. I’m making room for joy, for rest, for new experiences. I’m honoring the part of myself that works best not when everything is done, but when enough is aligned to move forward with purpose.

As I let go of these items, I feel a weight lifting off my shoulders, making room for new possibilities and a clearer mind. So if there’s a quiet week here or there—if I’m not checking things off the list at lightning speed—know that I’m still in it. I’m still moving. Sometimes inward. Sometimes outward. Always with intention.

Because preparing the soil matters just as much as planting the seeds.