It's Not A Lack of Ambition

Every so often I hear — explicitly or implicitly — that women are “opting out,” “slowing down,” or somehow losing ambition, especially when it comes to their jobs. As if we all just collectively decided one day that striving was overrated and naps were the new corner office.

Across workplaces and ministry contexts, women continue to shoulder disproportionate burdens, contributing extraordinary labor that too often goes unseen and unrewarded. A recent Women in the Workplace report confirms what many women already know: even as women remain committed and ambitious to their jobs, they experience slower career advancement, fewer advocates for career advancement, and rising burnout compared with their male counterparts. I don’t feel like this is new news. And it isn’t because women lack ambition — it’s because the structures meant to support their progress are weakening or missing altogether.

And this dynamic isn’t limited to the corporate world.

So let me say this as clearly as I can:

• It is not a lack of ambition.

• It is an extraordinary mental load.

Especially for women doing all the things — working, parenting, partnering — with love, faithfulness, and a calendar that looks like a game of Tetris.

I had a realization recently: I am a perseverer.

When I set my mind to doing something, I do it. I keep going. I stay faithful. I do the work in front of me — and I try to do it well. (Sometimes too well. Perseverance and boundaries are still in active negotiations.)

But perseverance is not the same thing as flourishing, and it comes with a cost.

Over the course of my career, I’ve had several particularly rough patches. One season included: having a baby, merging two churches, leading a major church building renovation, learning that my daughter had an intellectual disability, and continuing to show up as a pastor, leader, partner, and parent. Just your average, low-stress year.

Then there was the pandemic. Ministry during COVID required adaptability, creativity, crisis leadership, and constant emotional presence — all while parenting, worrying, and navigating cultural upheaval. I persevered through that too. Many women did. Frankly, we all deserve a certificate… or at least a very big bowl of ice cream.

Currently, I find myself part of the sandwich generation — caring about aging parents while raising tweens and teens at home. I am navigating the muddy waters of coordinating schedules between households, priorities, and needs. And my spouse just dislocated his shoulder. So now there is that. I’m fairly confident I’ll persevere through this season too, mostly because that’s what I seem to do.

These seasons require vision, courage, emotional intelligence, and an enormous amount of sustained attention. They require ambition. They require believing deeply that the work matters and that God is still calling us forward.

And I persevere.

But perseverance isn’t free.

The cost shows up in my health — in ways I don’t ever fully understand at the time. When I push through Christmas and then collapse the week after. It shows in my family, in how thin my margins become, in how much of myself I quietly set aside just to keep everything moving. Not going to a swim meet so I can show up at a church event. It shows up as exhaustion that isn’t dramatic enough to be labeled burnout, but steady enough to change how life feels.

What often goes unnamed is the mental load women carry while persevering.

The constant calculations.

The invisible planning.

The emotional labor of anticipating needs, smoothing transitions, and holding anxiety — at home, at work, and in ministry.

This load doesn’t show up on a résumé or in an appointment process, but it shapes everything. It affects health. It affects relationships. It affects how much energy remains for imagination, risk, and growth.

So when women slow down, pivot, or ask for different leadership paths, it isn’t because ambition disappeared. More often, it’s because ambition has been exercised for years under conditions that required endurance rather than support.

I am still ambitious. I still love ministry. I still believe deeply in the church and in the call God has placed on my life. But I also believe that perseverance should not require chronic self-sacrifice, and faithfulness should not quietly erode our well-being.

If institutions want women to thrive — not just endure — we have to tell the truth about the cost of perseverance and start building systems that actually sustain the people doing the work.

Because ambition was never the problem. (Okay, fine — I probably will never be a bishop.)

The real problem is how much women are asked to carry — and how little of that weight is ever acknowledged.